Sunday Short
Sometimes, we develop the bad habit of trying to be all things to all people. We don’t intend for this to happen, but it does. We need to focus on carving out some “me time” every day for our sanity, and for the sanity of those around us! Learning to say “no” can be one of the most difficult skills in life to master, but it is essential in order to have time to yourself each day.
When you think about it, we are slaves to time. We go to work, on time. We try like heck to leave on time, so we can get dinner on the table on time so we can arrive at whatever meeting/event we need to get to on time. With that kind of schedule, how do we ever have the “me time” needed?
How We Lost Our “Me Time”
Whether you have kids or not, you get sucked into all sorts of organizations to be involved with. With parents, it usually starts at the pre-school level and goes something like this:
- The Preschool Helper Mom or Dad. Once or twice during the school year, you go into preschool to help the underpaid teachers do whatever needs to be done (usually cutting out shapes until you are sure your hand will fall off).
- Elementary School. Whether it’s the PTO, Homeroom Mom, Field Trip Chaperone, or countless other things, at some point most of us joyfully volunteer to help. Then, the snowball starts rolling. Word gets out. People know you will help. You become inundated with requests. Year after year. Since you have time, you agree. And then you are in it year in and year out until your child goes to middle school, at which point there’s likely another child ready to begin elementary…
- Extra-Curricular Activities. Because the word is out now and people know you will do whatever they ask (I say we are suckers and there must have been a mass email sent out about it), you find yourself as a T-ball coach, scout leader, soccer coach, basketball coach, etc. Meanwhile, you are not the least bit qualified to coach any sport. But you are a live, breathing person to fill the position, and they have your number. Boy, do they have your number.
- Middle School and High School. The table turns here and you, helpful parent, are no longer welcome or invited to the school building for any good reason. This does free up your day so you can work, you know, at your job, but the organizations your child becomes involved with at this level require more of your free time (think evenings and weekends).
Learning Balance and Saying “NO”
I am not saying we should all give up everything to get our “me time” back. Volunteerism is important, and without it, the great organizations like Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, and anything else not funded by the school would not be in existence. Our focus needs to be on balance.
- Learn to politely decline. When you have a busy work schedule and multiple children in different activities, you can only be spread so thin. Saying no to someone doesn’t mean you have to be rude. Phrases like “I’m sorry, I can’t help you with that right now,” or “I am not going to be able to this time,” or even “Gee, I wish I could help you but I just can’t,” work well. And guess what, it gets easier!
- Saying “no” should not be reserved just for volunteering! Learning to tell your kids, your parents, your friends, and anyone in your life “no” is an experience in growth. Being a people-pleaser is nice and all, but at some point, you may resent it. I have found that saying no with a small explanation has worked quite well. People seem to respect the answer and are understanding, even my kids.
- Be reasonable. Do say “Yes!” to opportunities to volunteer and become involved. You will likely meet some wonderful people that way. Find the balance that gives you some involvement and some free time.
Why “Me-Time” Is So Important
I don’t know about you, but I don’t fare well without my daily “me time.” I enjoy being helpful and have made lifelong friends through some of the organizations I have been involved with. But I also resent it when I don’t have the downtime I require.
- Take time to decompress. Whether you enjoy watching TV, reading, or playing games on your Kindle or I-pad, taking time to chill out is critical to recharge your battery.
- Allow yourself to relax. Reserve the time you need in the morning before your day starts or in the evening before bed (or both!).
- “Me time” helps to clear my head. I spend time sorting things out in my mind, which helps me to fall asleep faster.
- “Me time” gives you a little time during the day to remind you that your life truly is your own.
- I use the morning hours for most of my mental organization. Putting things in perspective usually gives me a better outlook on the day ahead. It gives me time to casually plan and go over the day’s tasks. It’s a time of reflection, as I consider how I could have done things better yesterday and how to improve today.
When you focus on carving time out of your day for yourself, I think you will find more joy moving forward.
Until next time,
April
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