How To Handle Difficult People In Your Life

From the time we are young, we learn that all people are not as easy to get along with as others.  Maybe you can recall a teacher that just didn’t like you but you don’t know why.   The reality is that some people do not make themselves approachable and are simply difficult.  How can we rise above difficult individuals?  That’s the million dollar question.

We have a tendency as parents to try to shield our children from heartache and situations that are anything but easy.  But are we doing them any favors?  Probably not.  It is so tempting to contact the school to request the elementary school teacher with the best reputation, but maybe we should let the chips fall where they may, so to speak.  Allowing our children the opportunity to learn from a difficult situation may be the best thing we can do for them to prepare them for adulthood.

In life, we encounter difficult people as soon as we are placed in any group.  You probably can think of an example of this when you were a child.  I can.  From neighborhood playmates to teachers, classmates, people who rode your bus, and teammates, you are bound to encounter people who can be a challenge to like or to be around.  As adults, it may be bosses, coworkers, clients, customers, and acquaintances.  The question is, how can you handle and move past these difficult people?

Turn The Situation Around

Growing up, my Gram used to tell me to “kill them with kindness,” which was not always easy to do, especially since I was terrified of many of these difficult people.  In my adult life, however, I have adopted this skill, often through mentally gritted teeth.  I can’t believe how well this works!  Think about it.  If you have to work alongside a difficult person, he or she can really make your life miserable.  The trick is not to let it.

• Offer a compliment.  No matter how much this pains you, try to find something about him or her that is positive.  If you notice a new hairstyle or a new pair of glasses, mention it.  “Wow, those glasses look great on you!”  You would be surprised how quickly this can break down barriers within the other person.
  
• Ask their opinion.  “What did you think about the staff meeting?”  This engages the other person in conversation.  Try to elaborate with follow up questions.  Granted, not everyone will be receptive to this, but we are aiming to find ways to improve our daily existence with this person.
  
• Make an attempt to find common ground.  Be observant when the difficult person is talking.  Maybe he or she will mention a movie watched recently that you have seen or a book read that you enjoyed.  Try to discuss it.  You may be met with glares, eye-rolling, or sighs, but at least you are making an effort to have a nice conversation and break the ice.
  
• Be sincere.  Even a smile and a hello can soften a person.
  

Sometimes, these simple steps can help turn the situation around.  Other times, it doesn’t work.

Criticism

• Does this individual find fault in everything you do?  If so, try swallowing your pride and inquire about how you could have handled the situation differently.  If things still don’t improve, try to ignore the comments and the person.
• Stand up for yourself.  Explain your perspective without becoming defensive.  You can’t be afraid to let people know that you will not tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully.  Some people will back down once you begin exerting yourself in the smallest way.    No one should ever intentionally make you feel inferior.  If you are being bullied at work, that is a different situation entirely and should be addressed with a manager or human resources.
• If all else fails, remain quiet when that person is around.  Although it is difficult to do, keeping your mouth shut can be the best option.   Be polite and kind, but don’t set yourself up for abuse.

None of us are easy to get along with 100% of the time, and we all have our moments.  But if you can see any signs in yourself of being consistently difficult, ask yourself why.  Are you kind to waitresses, cashiers, and coworkers?  If not, turn over a new leaf and try to put yourself in that person’s shoes.  I am not proud to admit that I have been difficult with some people I have encountered in my life.  Once I recognized that I worked hard to make some changes in myself.

Are You The “Difficult Person?”

It’s important to remember one thing.  You are not going to like everyone you encounter, and not every person you encounter will like you.  Beating yourself up over the latter will drive you insane.  It is impossible to make people like you.  I struggle with this one.

The only reason you should be looking down on somebody is to help them up off the ground.

Unknown Author

What I have learned is this:  I have, on occasion, put a lot of time and effort into trying to get someone to like me.  Well, guess what happened when I was able to convince the person to actually talk to me?  I didn’t like that person.  It was completely wasted energy.  I am at a point in my life now that I am okay with someone not liking me because I have plenty of people in my life who do.

Rising above difficult people takes effort, but will ultimately improve your quality of life.  Give it a try, and let me know how it worked for you.

Until Next Time,

April

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